Parents: Would you be upset if your daughter's male teacher helped her fix her hair when it got messed up?

January 11, 2011 Dr. Mike 29 comments

I’m a 25 year old second grade teacher with a five-year-old daughter of my own. So naturally, I know a lot about hair barrettes and stuff.

When my female students go outside and play, sometimes they come back in and their hair barrettes are either lost or have come loose and their hair is wild.

Normally I give them a replacement from a bag of cheap ponytail holders I got from the dollar store.

Sometimes though, they can’t get their hair fixed themselves & ask for me to help, so I’ll come to their desk and put their hair correct again.

Is it inappropiate? Will I get in trouble for this?

stop hair loss amp, desk, dollar store, female students, grade teacher, hair barrettes, ponytail holders

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Written by Holly about 1 year ago.

I think it’s sad that this is being debated. He’s talking about putting a barrette in a child’s hair for pete’s sake.
Written by ali about 1 year ago.

im 15, and im not a parent or anything, but if i WAS i honestly wouldnt see anything wrong with it. your just trying to help.
Written by michaellandonsmommy about 1 year ago.

I wouldn’t be. As long as all you are doing is fixing hair, then its fine.
Written by Samantha E about 1 year ago.

i think u should ask the parents and as long as your not touching them in a wrong way than no but still ask the parents at like a meeting also go to the principle
Written by erinjl123456 about 1 year ago.

I say if they are in elementary school (2nd grade and under) and ask for help, yeah its okay. If they are older I might think their is an issue. At 8/9 years old they can pull their hair back by themselves.
Written by Serenity's_Mama about 1 year ago.

no i don’t think that its inappropriate i mean there is boundary’s. I think that if you keep it fair between everyone in the class room and not focus on one kid ( not saying you are) then there should not be a problem. thats my opinion.
Written by landonsmommii about 1 year ago.

I wouldnt be upset if Ive met the teacher, but If I had know idea then I might be upset. If my girls were fine then I would be too, because kids have better judgement then adults.
Written by e4dwayne about 1 year ago.

Maybe you could ask this question to another female teacher and get their input. Personally, I think it would be totally acceptable. I would actually appreciate the gesture, especially if my child was coming to you asking for assistance. Some parents are particularly touchy, in this day and age.
Written by luvmy4boyz32 about 1 year ago.

I don’t think it’s inappropriate at that age at all. You are their teacher helping them. It is so sad that this is what our world has come to because of all the pedofiles out there. Men can’t do anything anymore without being looked at funny. Women can be pedofiles too yet no one would think twice if a woman teacher did the same thing. I think it’s great that you are willing to do that for them in the first place.
Written by Meg about 1 year ago.

I don’t see anything wrong with it. Nobody would think twice about a female teacher helping a little boy straighten out his hair.
Written by Liz B about 1 year ago.

This is a tough one…I see the situation you are in and how you want to help.

I have a daughter in grade 1 and she can’t fix her hair no matter how much she tries. Her little hands get tangled all the time.

She comes home with messy hair ALL the time. Her elastics get loose, the hats make the hair comes out etc etc…. and the teacher doesn’t fix it. I guess if the child comes up to you and specifically asks because it’s bothering her then I’d do it.

My daughter has come home and told me that a teacher had to fix her hair because he braid came undone or something like that and I’ve actually appreciated them fixing it instead of letting her run around with loose hair all day.

To be on the safe side I’d talk to the principal. I also would suggest not to go out of your way to fix it if you see messy hair. If they ask do it but that’s it. If the kids keep going home with messy hair then that will encourage the parents to get their kids to practice more at home how to do it and before you know it they’ll be doing it. * Hopefully * LOL
Written by Kiley S about 1 year ago.

you are honestly just trying to help. if a parent gets upset say you have a 5 year old daughter and you know this stuff. Just set a good name for yourself and other male teachers by not doing anything perverted. As long is this purely trying to help, I see no problems. Moms just might find it weird that you know how to do this, so they’ll begin to question.
Written by TCM about 1 year ago.

No as long as you would be willing to do it for everyone. Sounds sweet to me. And as long as they are like K-2
Written by Jake B about 1 year ago.

I’m 13 not a aren’t nor anything but if i were u i would think heck no!
Written by iam1funnychick about 1 year ago.

I would not have an issue with it at all.

I think the fact you have a daughter of your own makes it even more acceptable.

Isn’t it sad that we have to think of these things?

Thank you for teaching. I’ve personally seen many kids benefit from having a male teacher – especially if they don’t have a male role model at home.
Written by Sweetheart S about 1 year ago.

I am a fellow teacher and as far as I can see there is absolutely nothing wrong with this. However, I know that in these days one must be careful.

Grade 2 is an age where some physical contact it necessary to establish a good relationship between teacher and student. So you are totally within your job description.

You sound like a great guy and a great teacher. Just make sure that any touching you do (no matter how innocent) is in full view of the other children for safety’s sake.
Written by amberlicious81 about 1 year ago.

I think its fine, you’re their teacher. if you are that worried about it, talk to the principal, that way he/she knows whats going on and wont be surprised if a parent comes and complains
Written by Tina about 1 year ago.

I don’t see anything wrong with that – especially if the girls come up to you and ask for help – that is fine…
Written by momof4 about 1 year ago.

i would not be upset at all. just make sure you do it when asked (or if they’re obviously having trouble, ask them first if they want help). i would be upset if a teacher were doing that when my child didn’t want them to.

i can imagine the life of a male second grade teacher is fairly complicated these days. how depressing … and how unfortunate for the kids.
Written by Comancheria about 1 year ago.

No, I don’t think it’s inappropriate at all. At that age, little girls have a hard time fixing their own hair and need help. There may come a time when a parent might confront you, so prepared to discuss it.
Written by dapiek about 1 year ago.

This is something you need to ask your administration, not the YA! folks.

Asking here sounds like you feel guilty about something, that maybe there is more to the touch then you are letting on. You are afraid that by asking your boss, that they will either see through you or tell you that it is wrong. You are seeking approval from what you perceive as the average parent so that you can deny the school’s policy that has already been set in place.

Get some counseling.
Written by melexi about 1 year ago.

i won’t be upset but i’d be wary.
in this world where there are all sorts of perverts, i’d wonder if he’s not employing hairfixing as a means to get to my child for something worse.
my advice, refer those kids to a female teacher before you meet a very paranoid parent.
Written by Miss Coffee about 1 year ago.

It would not bother me in younger grades of grade school but after 2nd grade it might. A teachers aid at my kids school got in trouble for clipping a kids nails that were horribly jagged and breaking so go figure. Parents can over react easily and with you being the opposite sex it might be best to not do it.
Written by sammi about 1 year ago.

no ur just touching their head and its not for no reason ur helping them
Written by Netty about 1 year ago.

I believe it’s appropriate as long as the child asks you to fix her hair. I wouldn’t assume that they want it fixed. I can understand why you are cautious and it’s good that you are because some parents may take offense. If I were you, I would talk to one of the other teachers or the school principal to be on the safe side to be sure it’s ok to do this. Even a hug from another teacher has gotten them fired and their license revoked…Good Luck! From one teacher to another
Written by gogirl about 1 year ago.

I have a six year old daughter in first grade, so I speak from experience here, and no, I would not mind if her male teacher helped her put a ponytail holder back into her hair.
Written by AmorVincetOmnia about 1 year ago.

I do not see anything wrong with that at all. Helping pull their hair back/up, not a big deal.

If you are really worried about getting in trouble, check with your school’s principal and see what s/he has to say about it!
Written by angel about 1 year ago.

i don’t see any problem with it UNLESS some nasty ppl start talking bad about you doing that……..right?

for my point of view… your just being a good person for them….i’m assuming like u mention bcuz u have your own daughter too….so it just mean your seeing your daughter with them……….it just like if my boss bring his kids at my work place most of the time they sit nxt to me……there boys……..but my boss see that i’m just being like a mommy for them cz i have a boy kinda same age like them………
Written by MamaBear about 1 year ago.

I don’t find it inappropriate at all. I personally would be happy if my daughters’ teachers did this. My girls come home lookin like they ran head first into a storm daily. lol I think your a good teacher in helping out the kids. Its not like your helping them pull on their pants after the bathroom breaks…its just hair. And trust me, I know my 2nd grader doesn’t concentrate as well if her hair is in her face. Its good to see a helpful teacher, in a world full of teachers who can’t be bothered to help tie a kindergarteners shoe or help open a juice box. Shoot, those straws are hard…lol…